Friday, May 1, 2015

mama bird: like versus love

I don’t know how to say this without sounding like a bad parent, so I’m just going to say it.
I don’t like everything about my kids.
 I love them, and I love every aspect of them, the good and the bad, but I don’t like it all. And really, is that so bad? I don’t know….maybe it’s just bad to admit. But I have even told them so much. When they are extra naughty, I will tell them that I always love them, but I don’t always like them.
And I have found myself getting more easily annoyed with certain personality traits of each of them. But at the same time, these are personality traits that will do them well in life at some point in the future.
So we have hit this hard parenting point of what to do. Do we steer them in a direction that will potentially end these annoying behaviors? Do we ride it out until that point where the behavior is beneficial to them? Do we try as hard as we can to teach them that they need to learn when to use that trait and when not to? It may be an easy decision, but not an easy task.
And here’s the hard part, the parts of them that annoy me are the parts of them that are most like me.
Eva loves attention. She loves showing off, she is loud and boisterous. You can see how that can be annoying, but you can also see how it is fun. She makes people laugh, she makes people notice, and she has this self confidence that I never want to ruin. She will be a leader.
Henry is a know-it-all (although he mostly gets that from his dad) and he is always right (even when he’s wrong). And you can see how that can be annoying, but you can also see it is amazing. He will be strong and confident, and won’t let people tell him no. He will be a leader.
And they are both stubborn. The most stubborn. And admittedly, they get that from both Chris and I. An argument in our family is never easy. They are frustrating and both kids have to have the last word. It’s annoying to no end, but it’s also encouraging. It will work for them in the future. They will be go getters, they will stand up for what they believe in, and they will have the confidence to back it up. They will be leaders. Good leaders. Fair leaders. Strong leaders. Smart leaders.
So in the end, it’s ok to not like everything about your kids. They certainly don’t like everything about you, I can almost guarantee that. But you love them 100%, and you support them 100%, and you encourage them 100%, and you guide them 100%. And you may not like them 100% of the time, but that’s ok.
megan bird


  1. Wow, I admire your candor, Megan. I'm sure what you describe is felt by every parent. This is a tough job you signed up for. My respect.

  2. I've said that to my kids before ''I love you, but sometimes I don't like you''... and I've told them it's okay for them to not ''like'' me sometimes too. Isn't it funny that we create these little ''mini mes'' and we can be both simultaneously annoyed and filled with pride at the same time!? Great idea for post! LOVE it!

  3. Love your honesty!!! Every parent feels this way and those that say they don't, are lying. I love my kids to death, but my daughter's stubborness and strong opinions drive me nuts. But this just means that she won't take anyone's crap when she's older. And my 13 year old son drives me nuts because he can be so "in the clouds". But this just means that he will let things roll off his back and not be like his neurotic mother that has to have something to worry about every minute of the day. It's all good :-)

  4. I think this is so true, no one wants to talk about it or admit it, but it's truth. We're not going to like our kids every single second of the day sometimes. I don't like that my son is currently not napping even though he severely needs it, but I still love him. I think this is true of marriage too - we love our spouses but sometimes we don't always like them or like things they do. The important thing is still loving them at the end of the day. Thanks for your honesty with this post.

  5. What a brilliant heart felt post. I just loved it.


  6. Oh it is so true. My mother in law actually told me that saying--I love my kids, but I didn't always like them (and she adds in that she can make another one just like them). Henry sounds a lot like Conner--OMGosh he could never be wrong or, worse, not the best! And all my kids are horribly stubborn. Just like me. ;-)

  7. I think there's a balance of letting them be who they are, and encouraging them to use those traits only when it's appropriate. You're a great mom Megan! And this is a great post. :)

  8. This is so well said! I know there will come a day when Jona is driving me crazy and I will think of this post and be encouraged when I'm feeling that way too. (Right now he's just too darn cute not to like...and the limited vocabulary helps too :) )

  9. I have a teenager that likes to debate and sometimes I have to tell him to cool it, he's driving me nuts. However, I don't discourage too much - he actually has some good points. As parents, we can learn from our kids, as well. :)

  10. love this post and love your honesty! just ride it out. they are going to be amazing adults! they seem like amazing kids :)

  11. beauitfully said, and the photo is divine!
    I agree, those traits may eb hard to live with but they will steer each of them towards the truest sleeves, and their best potential.
    My daughter was difficult to rear, now is is kicking it a L'oreal!
    and my son is getting an iv league doctorate.. (with no help from us!) little mister know it all... sigh... ( sorry bragging, ugh)
    however they turn out , they will each find their greatness!
    hope my 2 cents encourages you, but I know you know you are a rock solid mom.
    xx, Elle

  12. i meant IVY, not IV.... sorry my medical mind got the best of me..
    happy spring Tuesday!
    xx, Elle

  13. I'm so sad I just read this today & didn't have a chance to talk to you about this on Friday. This is beautifully stated & I think most--if not ALL--parents can relate to. Oh, my friend. Thank you for paving the road for me. :)