Friday, March 27, 2015

mama bird: second best

I have had many times where my own insecurities from childhood have gotten in the way of my parenting. Where I remember how I felt being this kid or that kid, and how I don't want my own kids to feel that way, so I steer them in another direction. I have been that parent that wants to do things for my kids so they get it right, and to make it easier for them.  I want my kids to be the best at everything they do, not because I need them to be the best, but because I don't want them to ever feel second best.
 
But then again, I sometimes do want them to feel second best. Wait, what? Does that make me sound horrible? Maybe so, but let me explain....I never want my children to be made fun of, to feel left out, or to be the worst player on the team. I want that for them because as a mom, I never want my kids to feel sad, embarrassed, or alone. But if they never feel sad, embarrassed, or alone, they will grow up to be naive. They will be adults who do not know how to deal with loss, who can't overcome failure, who can't walk away from a bad situation when they should. They will not have the ability to take the hardships they have endured and turn them into greatness.
 
So instead of doing things for them, I stand on the sidelines and hope for the best. When they are not the best player on the team, I help them practice. When they are not the smartest kid in school, I help them study. When they are not the funniest kids in class...Oh wait, they are. When they fail, I let them. When they are sad, I will be there for them. And when they lose, I will teach them how to turn that loss into a lesson, because to me, my kids will never be second best.
 
 
xo,
megan bird

15 comments:

  1. And you, Mama Bird, have got it exactly right!

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  2. Good parenting, Megan. Life is full of experiences and we need both the bad and the good. Too many parents helicopter over their kids in a misguided effort to "protect" them. Kids need to learn resilience and self-reliance to meet challenges later in life.

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  3. i'm all about this! too many parents are guilty of what you described that you are avoiding. kudos to you. parenting is so hard!

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  4. Amen, Megan! I love this. The older my kids get the more I really work at not doing everything for them. It's a hard transition, going from baby-life & toddlers where as a mom you DO do everything for them to now preschoolers (& soon Kindergarten) & needing to let go more. I fight the impulse to do things for them bc it's quicker or bc I want it done a certain way. I want them to learn & honestly the best way to learn is through setbacks...really really love this post. :)

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  5. You are such a great mom Megan, I really look up to you! You are exactly the kind of mom I am trying to be! Love this post so much!

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  6. I'm the same way, but I know how hard it is as a mom to have them figure these harder things out on their own. Your kids will do great because they have such an awesome mom!

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  7. And that is a great way to be!!x

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  8. this is gorgeous. you are such an inspiring mother, and your kids are lucky to have you <3

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  9. What a beautiful sentiment- you're one awesome mom!

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  10. Megan, will you adopt me and be my mum? You are obviously an awesome one. xoxoxo

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  11. I am agreeing with Shawna here... adoption anyone?
    Your parenting skills are compassionate and well balanced.. not a formula for over- parenting as I see so often, and which end up hurting the child. Yours honors the child with love and the expectation of strength.
    Love the photo!
    xx, Elle
    http://mydailycostume.com

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  12. This is such great advise for a new mom like me. You are a fantastic mom Megan. And I love this up-close photo of the three of you with the sun hitting your pretty faces. =)

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  13. what a great picture! i feel you on this one. sometimes i have to let go (of the controls) and let them get by on their own. i'll always be there to pick them up :)

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