Thursday, February 12, 2015

Desi Dog









As many of you might already know, our dog passed away on Monday. It was unexpected, as unexpected as a 15-year old dog passing away can be. He deteriorated rapidly, starting on Sunday. We brought him to the vet to talk about options, and the vet basically told us the only option was to put him to sleep that night. What was the point of keeping him alive any longer when his quality of life was so poor?

I know it was the right thing to do, but here is where I’m at with it at this point in time. I have a feeling of depression that I can’t quite shake. I am sad, I miss him like crazy, and I feel guilty, not because we put him to sleep, but because I feel like he thought we loved the kids more than him. I wonder did he at any given point in time feel neglected or second best? I know I did, in fact, do that a lot. Some might say I am putting too much faith in the brain capacity of a dog, but those people have never met our dog. Chris will tell me that he was a happy dog, that he was loved, that he was content being a part of our family, if not the center. He was content to be loved by four crazy people. When he still could, he wagged his tail every time he saw us; that means something, right?
 
So I’m sad. Of course I’m sad. And I got angry at the people who asked right away if we were going to get another dog. He’s not a handbag, and can’t be replaced so easily. In fact, he can’t be replaced at all. Chris and I also talked about the future and if we ever would get another dog. At this point in time, I feel guilty even thinking about it. I mean, he was mine for 15 years. How could I possibly love another dog like I loved him? His name is in the song we sing to our kids every night before bedtime. His face is painted on our living room wall. His hair, I’m sure, will be on our clothes and in our corners for many years to come. He is our family, he can’t be replaced.
 
I don’t know why I’m writing this or even what I’m writing. I guess I didn’t feel it appropriate today to post an outfit photo. I guess I somehow feel that because his life stopped, mine needs to as well, at least temporarily. I feel like I shouldn’t be happy, like I shouldn’t be doing other things besides being sad and missing him. And I also feel like that is ridiculous.
 
So today I guess I just wanted to write about him and tell you all what an amazing dog he was. What an amazing part of our family he was. How he knew whenever I was sad, and would nuzzle his nose to my body any time I cried. How he was so protective of the kids as they grew up, herding them in the backyard when they tried to run away. How he could catch any ball or Frisbee, no matter how far or high you threw it. How he survived two dog girlfriends, and remembered their names, even 10 years after they passed. How he once jumped out of a car window a block from my sister’s house and ran right to her door so he could see his girlfriend. How I could say, “do you want?” and he would run to his leash knowing what was about to happen. How he was scared of thunderstorms. How he loved to lick people’s feet. How he loved to eat scented candles. How he loved to drink spilled beer. How he loved to eat whole loaves of bread. How he was the best snuggler, even if that meant you would have dog hair in your bed for years to come. How he loved me unconditionally, even if he wasn’t always my top priority. I wish you all could have met him. He was a good friend.



xo,
megan bird

31 comments:

  1. I was so sorry to hear about Desi. He was a genuine part of your family, so it's only right that you would feel sad and need to mourn. He sounds like an amazing companion and this post was a sweet tribute.

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  2. I wish I could hug you right now! You gave Desi such a good life. He knew he was loved - he was your first baby! I hope you start to feel okay soon...Desi wouldn't want you to feel guilty, or sad for too long. <3

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  3. Aww I feel for you. My dog passed suddenly too, took him to the vet and he never came home. The vet rang me while I was in the supermarket to say it was the best thing to not even wake him up from his aesthetic. I balled in front of everyone. It's been 6 years and people still as if we're getting another one. And some people suggested that we chose to have him put to sleep, like we could have got him treatment. I was so pissed. In a way I'm kind of glad the decision was out of our hands, because how do you make a decision like that, it's heat breaking. xx

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  4. This made me cry. I am so very sorry for your loss.

    Sending you huge hugs.

    bisous
    Suzanne

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  5. i'm so so sorry for your loss of your sweet Desi. Charlie is my first dog ever and I can't imagine him not being there. I wish I had the right thing to say, but just know i"m sending you love and hugs from Atlanta.

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  6. Aww Megan, I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. Our pets become such an integral part of our lives, always there, always loyal and loving. I think they are more intelligent than we can ever know. How you are feeling is totally understandable, you've lost a loved one and it'll take time to feel better again. Sending lots of hugs x

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  7. So sorry for you loss. I know what you are feeling due to my family dog just passed away last night. She was also 15 years old. Hugs.

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  8. He was an amazing dog an such a good friend. I am lucky to have been his dog auntie. You and Chris and Henry and Eva were an amazing family to him and he loved you all so much and he knew how much you all loved him. He is going to be so missed by so many. He's with his doting girlfriends now and I know they are runnings and swimmings and doings and having so much fun.

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  9. I'm so sad for you Megan and I just want to tell you that it's ok to feel this way. I have been through the loss of a pet once and the only thing I can tell you is that no one can tell you how you should grieve or how you should feel - you need to take it minute by minute. Desi was an amazing dog and the few times I got to see him he seemed pretty dang happy to me - so I'm pretty sure he knew just how much he was loved! You gave him a wonderful life. So much love and hugs coming your way pretty lady. Hang in there. XOXO

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  10. I'm so, so sorry. Losing a pet is never easy. Thinking of you!

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  11. Megan, I feel so so so sad for you. I am so completely in love with my dog that the thought of the day of her not being around brings me to tears - so I cannot even imagine the bond you had with Desi after 15 years together and how much pain you must be in. I don't think you should feel guilty about anything, but are completely allowed to feel sad. This post made me cry - because I just can't picture what you must be going through. Take time to grieve and know that you are in my thoughts! I only met Desi once, but he was a very very special dog, and he lived a wonderful life with you and your family. Lots of hugs! xoxo

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  12. *sigh* Oh, Megan, dear. I'm sorry. I know the depth of your emotions and the second-guessing and guilt that emerges. I've lost animals of mine with similar reaction. Grief is grief. Don't listen to others who don't understand and made insensitive comments. Hang on to good memories. I found turning cherished photographs into decorations/art was therapeutic. I'm glad you're writing about Desi; that is a way to lighten the emotional load of your loss.

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  13. Oh, I am so, so sorry. What an amazing dog and I'm sure you were an amazing pet parent. And, I'm sure he knew how much you loved him. They just know....

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  14. Oh my goodness, I am so very sorry to hear it. I know it doesn't make it any easier that he was 15 and had a good life - you loved him, so of course you will miss him. I still haven't gotten another dog after 10 years have gone by since I lost my precious pup. Someone you love isn't replaceable (though obviously it wouldn't be wrong to get another one when you're ready). Hugs!

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  15. Megan I am so sorry for your and your family's loss. I know how horrible it is to lose a pet. I still remember when our family dog, Tana, got hit by a car and passed away. It was truly devastating and even 14 years later, i still think about her, remember her and love her. It is, of course, perfectly ok to grieve, but know that Desi was put in your life to bring you happiness and would still want you to be happy in times when it is hard to be. Keep your chin up and please let me know if there is anything that you need.

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  16. Megan, I'm so deeply sorry for your loss. You aren't alone. I, and so many others,feel these same troubling emotions after the loss of a beloved four legged companion. No matter the timing, or the age, or the method...when our animal loves decide to leave us, we feel that gnawing hole in our hearts. I hope I can offer a small feeling of comfort in assuring you that our animals come to earth with very clear intentions. Desi chose You and Your Family. And what an honorable purpose he had...blanketing a growing family with unconditional love, and effortlessly teaching young souls that animals are to be cherished and respected. Although Desi is now flying on the wings of an angel, there is a part of him that will always be a part of you. xo

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  17. Hugs to you sweet lady. Praying for comfort for you and your family.

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  18. HI, thanks for the nice comment on Shybikers blog :) and nice to meet you. I am so so sorry about Desi, I know its hard to lose a pet. Last year I lost my kitty (who's name was Dezi by the way!!) and she was 19. I knew I would be sad but actually quite surprised by HOW much it had impacted me, I missed her SO much!! Sending hugs your way and so glad that you got to spend the time you did with your furry friend as they are such little gifts for us in our lives :)

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  19. Oh Megan I am so, so sorry. I must have missed this. My heart is breaking for you. :(

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  20. I'm so sorry for your loss. I know firsthand how loving, protective, and awesome Aussies are, and I'm sure Desi knew how much you loved him.

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  21. I'm so sorry for you loss., Megan. Desi looks lovely and of course you are devastated and miss him. You will be grieving for awhile. I hope you do not mentally beat yourself up for too long. I have no doubt that to part of your family would be a wonderful thing and was a wonderful thing for Desi. I know from personal experience that the pain goes away but you will always miss him and even if other dogs or other animals come into your life they are never replacing Desi. That is not possible. Sending you love and hugs. xoxoxo

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  22. Sorry for your loss! I know it will ease with time, but you will always think of your pet with so much love that it will bring the pain right back, how wonderful that you have photos of all the good time!

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  23. You've made me cry. I am SO sorry for your loss. Of course your life must stop for a little while- he was your 3rd child (or first, since he came first). I met someone 2 weeks ago who lost her dog who she had for 15 years who she'd been given when playing with an orchestra in South America and who she brought back. She still feels his loss 3 years on and had his name tatooed onto her elbow.
    Sending you as many hugs as I can.
    xx

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  24. I'm so sorry for your loss. I don't know you personally I'm certain he had the best life a dog can have. RIP Desi. See you at the rainbow bridge.

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  25. I am so very sorry for the loss of your dear friend and family member. Loss of our beloved pets is truly a painful thing. I cried for weeks after the loss of my cat, Salem. Then, I started having dreams of her leading me to a tabby cat in a shelter looking for a home. Later that week, I got onto the petfinder website and found Tabitha (yes, a little tabby cat). She didn't replace Salem, but she's a new love of ours and we know Salem led us to her. Hugs, Megan. T.

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  26. I love how you loved him...such a beautiful photo of you and Desi. We had an Australian shepherd and she was rob's girl. When she passed, was the only time I saw him cry. Thinking of you. I'm sad too. Xo dawn

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  27. oh sweet Megan! I'm sad too. You have had Dezi as long as I have known my sweet HM. We met in Nov 1999 and married in Jun 2000. I still have not washed the afghan you gave me and I just looked at it {it is on our spare bedroom bed} and I still see Dezi's hair on it. yay, yes, yay. I have a bit of Dezi here in my home. too. thank you ~ He is a beautiful doggie, ♥

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  28. I'm crying as I read this. Desi was so loved by so many. You are so lucky to have been blessed with such a good pup--& he was blessed to have such a loving, wonderful family. Love you lady. Sending positive thoughts & love to your whole family.

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  29. I am so sorry...
    this is a beautiful post and a tribute to your love of him, as well as your family.
    Losing a dog, a true member of the family of 15 years is a true and profound loss..
    Give your self time to grieve.
    oh the funnier side, I love that he ate scented candles, and drank spilled beer!
    Slowly, but surely, those happy memories will be the ones that come to you.
    Dezi was a beautiful animal.
    xx, Elle
    http://mydailycostume.com/

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  30. oh megan, my heart goes out to you - this post is so raw and sweet and relatable. kinzie is the first dog i've ever had, and i already understand how deep that relationship runs. as far as feeling second best to kids - that's something we're already thinking/worrying about. i think you're right in believing that your dog was happy to be part of the family, and this post is proof of how truly loved he was.

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  31. I'm so sorry Megan, my prayers are with you. Desi sounds like she was a wonderful dog, and I have no doubt that she knew how much she was loved. I don't think you're giving her too much brain capacity at all--only people that don't have or love dogs would think something like that. But I don't think she felt second-best, in fact, it sounds like she wanted to put your kids first too. She obviously loved them so.

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