Friday, November 14, 2014

mama bird: the martyr mom

It’s 3:00 am, and my daughter has a nightmare. She runs into our room, and before she even gets there, I am awake, with my blanket open, waiting for her to crawl into bed with me. She tells me about her bad dream, I calm her down, we give each other a kiss, and she goes back to bed.

It’s 7:10 am and my son has two math problems that we didn’t see were not completed last night. His homework is due in 20 minutes, and I quickly (try to) help him do some long division problems without losing my own mind in the meantime. I try not to yell at him for not finishing this last night, but realize I also didn’t catch it, so I can’t be too mad at him. I still yell a little.
I could go on with the small battles of parenting. And goodness knows my husband has his own list. We’re parents, we chose this job. But I don’t want to be the martyr mom. Do you know what I mean? A martyr mom? A martyr mom is that mom who thinks every situation she is in is the worst, that she sacrifices her own time and energy to solve all of life’s parenting problems. She is burdened by all that she does, and wants sympathy, wants worship, wants everyone to know how hard she works, how little she gives for herself, and how much she gives for everyone else.

I have been that martyr mom. Trust me, there are days where it is all 'woe is me, look at all I did, and no one thanked me'. There are times when I spent all weekend driving to soccer practice and cheer leading. There are some days where my life feels like it’s not mine own anymore.

But it is. It is my life. I chose to be a mom. I wanted to be, cried to be, begged to be, and prayed to be a mom. Yes, it’s hard, but man, it’s worth it. It is not a thankless job because I get to see what I helped create. I get to have two humans look at me and know that I will always be there for them…to cure bad dreams and long division. I get to watch soccer games and cheer competitions. And I get to spend time with these two little friends who are my children. It’s fun, and it’s exciting, and yes, sometimes it’s hard. But no one needs to hear all abut that. They just need to know that we are happy.
So I choose not to be a martyr mom. Instead I’m just a mom...And that’s ok. In fact, it’s perfect.

(Now having said that, every mom is entitled to wine and whine night with friends. I don't want to take that away from anyone!)
 
xo,
megan bird

20 comments:

  1. Okay, first, I absolutely love this photo... not only are the kids gorgeous, you look so joyful that you positively glow!
    Second, you a martyr Mom? NEVAH! Not in you. (But wine and whine nights with friends do help with sanity, and fun.)

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  2. This post made me smile and love you even more.

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  3. i don't see how you mamas do it! a thankless job that needs more thanks.

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  4. It's wise to pull back and see the big picture like this. Your sage attitude helps overcome the hardships of your demanding job as a mother. Good work.

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  5. Love this post more than I can say. Seriously. You are an inspiration to me as I've said before and I only hope I am half the mom that you are! You're awesome. Thank you for this post.

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  6. Great post. It's easy to get sucked into negativity & the "martyrdom" attitude. I've done it before & I'm sure I'll do it again...but to be aware & to strive for improvement is what matters. :)

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  7. This was a brilliant post! I think everyone is allowed to vent, we are only human! I really hate it when I complain about my pets, and people respond with: "Well, YOU wanted them!" but it is so damn taboo to say that to people who complain about their kids. I honestly never would, I know it is not the same, but still. I honestly don't think I could ever bring myself to say that, but still. How about we just make it a rule, that life is hard, and everyone gets to whine sometimes? Eh?

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  8. You are such a good mom! And you are right--it has an amazing pay off!

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  9. Lovely pic and post! I was taught (by my own mom) that (as a mom) I could never put my own needs first. Like you, I've learned the best way is to ensure I'm taking care of me--so I can be my best me--which equates to the best I can be for me and others--including those I love and care for. T. http://tickledpinkwoman.blogspot.com

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  10. Yesterday at a playdate I had the distinct displeasure of being around the, "mommiest mom that ever mommed". Total Mommy Martyr combined with Better Mom Than You. I couldn't get away fast enough! :)

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  11. Your kids are very lucky to have you! :) I think it is only human and normal to vent when you need to, but you have a great attitude about it and you have such a lovely family!

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  12. beautiful pic and kids..
    i'm a new follower(ColorBlock) follow me back if you want
    kisses

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  13. Yes. All of this. It's not always easy. But it's everything I wanted. And I'm so happy that this is my life (though some night do call for wine!). :)

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  14. Such a cute photo! :)
    Being a mom isn't easy im sure, just be the best you can be and your kids will love you for it :D

    http://floralsandsmiles.blogspot.ca/

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  15. Oh, yes. I definitely have some martyr mom (and martyr wife?) moments. But great reminder to embrace motherhood and all its ups and downs. I DID choose it. And I love it...so, so much.

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  16. This hit home for me. I very frequently feel like I am doing a terrible job as a mom. And you know what? No! I'm actually doing a kick ass job! We are all doing the best we can. Some want to find validation from others. And that's okay too. Yes, I chose this and I wouldn't have it any other way!!!!

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  17. i've never heard of the expression martyr mom, but a couple friends and i just finished reading 'raising bebe' which takes an entirely opposite approach -- all about maintaing self and style and not letting a child define you. i don't want to be a martyr, of course, but i *do* want my children to be a large part of my identity. we make sacrifices for the people we love, but that makes us kind/compassionate/caring rather than martyrs. maybe it has something to do with wanting to make the sacrifices? and then, of course, finding a balance that lets you continue to be you (which you seem to have mastered)

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  18. Aw, I love this post! (And, that picture is perfect!)

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